I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
