im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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