Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
