I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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