I just threw up on my dentist
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
