Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
