Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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