My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
