awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
