you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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