I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
