I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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