Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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