I could make wine with my vomit
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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