I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
