These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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