she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
