I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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