Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish i was in the wii world.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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