BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
