Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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