I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
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