Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
