I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
