these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
