Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
