So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
