Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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