Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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