GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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