Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
