she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
