that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
