new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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