I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
