Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
