Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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