i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
