i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
