She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
