How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
