I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
