just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
