Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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