The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
