oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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