Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
