But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
