i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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