I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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