we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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