I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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