idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
