Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
