so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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