no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
